Day 12 Bed Rest In Hospital: Inevitable Melt Down


Today is the day that I melted down.  I guess I knew it was coming.  I’ve been trying to keep it together but today I just can’t keep it in.

It started out rocky.  My morning monitoring session was full of Baby Roo heart accelerations, which they tell me is good, but to see my little baby girl’s heart rate jump so high….it frightens me.  Then, I was contracting like crazy though I still don’t feel it.  My day nurse, who I also had yesterday, I just don’t like.  I’m sure she’s a fine person but I don’t feel like she is competent.  I don’t like her.  When I voice my concerns, she ignores/dismisses me.

I get an ultrasound twice a week – once on Tuesdays and once on Fridays.  The past two times, I’ve gotten to go down to the 4th floor for them.  A little field trip, which is fun for me.  However, today, they came to me.  I was so disappointed.  The u/s results showed that Roo is fine except that my amniotic fluid level is really low: a 3.4.  It was a 4 last Tuesday and a 6 on Friday.  Again, the doctor said that it’s fine and not to worry.

I’m just feeling low today.  I can’t seem to stop the tears from falling.  I don’t know what to do.  I am trying to relax but I can’t today for some reason.  I can’t distract myself.

I just want MH to come “home” from work and hold me.  I want to go home.  I want to be a “normal” pregnant woman who delivers a healthy baby at 40 weeks.  I don’t want Roo to go to the NICU.

I want to enjoy this time but I’m sad and I’m scared.  I’m scared.  I’m scared.  I’m scared.

Going to go watch a movie and try to distract myself.  Thanks for listening!

xo,

Michelle

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11 thoughts on “Day 12 Bed Rest In Hospital: Inevitable Melt Down

  1. 😦 I’m sorry. There is nothing I can say that will change the situation you are in but just know I’m thinking about your family from way up north.

  2. It’s normal to feel the way you do and it was inevitable. Just feel it, live it and let it go. Cry if you need to. I’m so sorry about your LO and praying that all will be OK when the time comes. Thinking of you and believe that all will be great. It just has to be. 😀

  3. It must be so tough, I’m sorry hun. Hang in there and keep the distractions coming. Do you have a good book to get lost in? I hope the calm returns and Roo stays put as long as possible without you going crazy in that hospital. Thinking of you! Xoxo

  4. You’ve already gone 12 days! On day 1, you had no idea whether you and Roo would last this long. Let yourself meltdown because that’s necessary sometimes, but then remember your positivity over the past week or so about how you are in the best place you can be.

  5. Wow you have made it pretty far without a meltdown. I’m sure I would have melted down WAY sooner. This is so so stressful, you are awesome for handling it as well as you have. How many more days are they going to try to have you go? Or is it go as long as possible?

  6. Baby, it’s officially meltdown day. Not one, but two shouting sessions at poor old husband for stupid housework reasons (ie I’m hormonal and tired). Must be the day for meltdowns. Hang in there…you’re doing great. Every single day is important. Roo is going to be fine, and it is disappointing as hell when pregnancy doesn’t go “how it should”…but in a few months time with your little girl at home growing fast, all this will not matter, it will all be behind you. You don’t have to be brave all the time, you just have to be.

  7. All of your comments and ongoing support literally brings tears to my eyes. I wish I could afford to fly all of you here to me in Seattle once Roo is born so you can meet her! I seriously don’t know what I would do without you. You are my friends and I couldn’t be making it through this without your support. xoxo

    I’ll do an update tomorrow afternoon when I’m feeling better and have spoken again to the doctors to share more information on the latest plan for delivery 🙂

  8. Aw honey. I’m sorry you’re feeling glum. But the best thing you can do is to let it out. Once you do, you can regroup and move keep moving forward! One of my most favourite inspirational quotes of all time is from Finding Nemo, when Dory is leading Marvin to Sydney. She keeps repeating: “Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming…”. It’s one of my life’s mantras and I say it to myself when I’m feeling down 🙂

  9. Hang in there. You have every right to be scared and overwhelmed and I’m impressed you made it this long without a big meltdown! And I think there was something in the air yesterday I broke down crying twice before noon…rough day yesterday and hope you’re feeling better today!

  10. Hugs. You’re going through a lot and of course you are scared. It’s great you are trying to stay positive but it sucks what you are going through, and melting down is OK.
    Can you ask for another nurse? Maybe have your husband try to sort it out for you…
    Thinking of you…
    XO

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