Today is the day that I melted down. I guess I knew it was coming. I’ve been trying to keep it together but today I just can’t keep it in.
It started out rocky. My morning monitoring session was full of Baby Roo heart accelerations, which they tell me is good, but to see my little baby girl’s heart rate jump so high….it frightens me. Then, I was contracting like crazy though I still don’t feel it. My day nurse, who I also had yesterday, I just don’t like. I’m sure she’s a fine person but I don’t feel like she is competent. I don’t like her. When I voice my concerns, she ignores/dismisses me.
I get an ultrasound twice a week – once on Tuesdays and once on Fridays. The past two times, I’ve gotten to go down to the 4th floor for them. A little field trip, which is fun for me. However, today, they came to me. I was so disappointed. The u/s results showed that Roo is fine except that my amniotic fluid level is really low: a 3.4. It was a 4 last Tuesday and a 6 on Friday. Again, the doctor said that it’s fine and not to worry.
I’m just feeling low today. I can’t seem to stop the tears from falling. I don’t know what to do. I am trying to relax but I can’t today for some reason. I can’t distract myself.
I just want MH to come “home” from work and hold me. I want to go home. I want to be a “normal” pregnant woman who delivers a healthy baby at 40 weeks. I don’t want Roo to go to the NICU.
I want to enjoy this time but I’m sad and I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m scared.
Going to go watch a movie and try to distract myself. Thanks for listening!