I need to vent: I’m feeling so overwhelmed. I have so much going on with work and then I have this intense pressure to make sure Roo is going to be ok. I’m waiting for the referral to Seattle Children’s to go through so I can make an appointment for her to see a neuro developmental specialist, which has a three-four month wait. She’s most likely going to need surgery on her eyes again in the next month or two. I just want my baby to be ok and catch up. Everyone tells me that she will but then they want me to get more testing done on her and that makes me think that she won’t be ok and I’m scared.

I just want to curl up and wake up when this is all over.

It is just this week that is tough with work so I just need to get through it. It really sucks that my mom left when I feel like I need her the most. (AND, I got a call from someone who wants me to consult on the most amazing opportunity with a big NY client but I just can’t take anymore on my plate. I passed it on to a friend).

I want to just sit around and cry and feel sorry for myself but that just isn’t productive. Can someone bring me some candy cane hershey kisses? Or at least remind me to stock up on them next Christmas so I can keep them around for my next meltdown.

OK. Thanks for listening and letting me feel sorry for myself.

PS: Anti-depressants are working (!) but they don’t seem to help during times like this 😦


Is it post-partum depression?

I wrote about my struggles with MH not too long ago.  We spoke and I shared how I was feeling.  In some ways, things are better and in some ways things are not.

I have so much anger and resentment towards him.  I love MH but I really don’t like him very much – the things that irritated me about him before the baby are really angering me to the point that I question whether or not I can live with him for the rest of my life.  Could it be that I have post-partum depression and this is how it is manifesting?

We didn’t have a perfect marriage before Roo but it wasn’t like this…I’m worried and I’m tired.  I don’t like my husband right now.

What should I do?

Cloth Diapering: Stash Purchased!

Today I purchased the rest of our cloth diaper stash.  It seems a little extreme but I never had a chance to slowly build our stash.  Before my antepartum stay at the hospital, I had ordered and received about 12 cloth diapers because I came across a couple of sales.  Those diapers were a mix of Grovia and Lil’ Joeys Rumparooz all-in-ones – in newborn sizes.

Today I purchased:

Pre-folds: 6 orange (newborn size) with two Bummis Super Snap covers – I want to see if I can handle “real” cloth diapers of yesteryear.  These are very inexpensive and if I like them I’ll get a lot more when I move up to the next size and maybe fewer of the more expensive kind.  I purchased these on Green Mountain Diaper

BumGenius All-in-One Newborn: four of these purchased from Kelly’s Closet (with snaps)

Best Bottoms Hybrids: three covers (with snaps) plus 9 stay-dry inserts from Nicki’s Diapers.  I like these because I can also use a disposable insert if I want for when I’m out of the house (I understand that I can use either the Flip or the GDiaper disposable inserts with these diapers)

That brings me to a total of 31 diaper changes before I run out completely, which will never happen.  CDing mamas: is this enough?  In total, I’ve spent about $330 to date.

All of these are newborn sized (except Best Bottoms, which are small) with the thought in mind that Roo will be small for a while and should be able to fit into these for until she is around 6 or 7 months old (especially since she is a preemie) and I’ll figure which of these different diapers or combination of diapers that I like best so I can better purchase the next size around 🙂

I am now looking into how to prep my diapers and get ready to use them as Roo approaches 7 pounds, when most of these will start to fit her!

Any advice on prepping my cloth diapers is appreciated!  I am a little confused and perplexed by choosing the right detergent.

I can’t wait to share more about my experience with you!