This week was the week that insomnia hit me.  Two nights in a row I woke up at 1:30 or 2 and couldn’t get back to sleep until 5 or 6am.  Then there were the couple of days when I woke up at 4:30am and didn’t get back to sleep until 6am.  Since I don’t have any clients right now I can head back to bed and sleep until I wake up around 10am or so.  I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have that luxury.  I am lucky and I don’t take that for granted.

I seriously am eyes-wide-open, wide awake.  If it weren’t the middle of the night I would clean the house, cook, call friends, etc.  Basically, I would do everything that I can’t get done during the day because of my noon/night sickness.  Ironic, right?!

Any hints or tips on dealing with insomnia?



I decided that I wanted to give our little one a nickname.  Because he/she is so active, I thought of Busy but they called MH’s grandmothers Busy and he thinks it’s odd to call our baby the same name unless we know that she is a girl.  So, we decided to brainstorm some other options and MH came up with Roo, from Winnie the Pooh.  I LOVE it!  Neither of us knows if Roo is supposed to be a girl or a boy in the story and clearly kangaroos are pretty active as is our little one….And, so, Roo, is our nickname for the time being.

MH and I both love Winnie the Pooh.  We bought an Italian copy of the Winnie and the Thousand Acre Woods when we were on our honeymoon in Italy.  Many, many years ago, I was in London visiting a friend who worked at the Victoria & Albert Museum.  The Museum has prints of the original Winnie the Pooh sketches by A.A. Milne and I picked up a number of them knowing that I would love to use them as the foundation for a nursery theme – I truly always dreamed of becoming a mommy.  A few of them are just pencil drawings and then one or two of them are full color drawings.  I just need to find (in one of the unpacked boxes from moving a few months ago) and show them to MH.  If he loves them as much as I do than we have our nursery theme and I can get them framed!  A Winnie the Pooh theme will be great for either a little girl or a little boy.  I think Roo will love it!

Speaking of nurseries, the offer that we put on the house was accepted last night!  In a short time, we’ll have a nursery to decorate!  We thought for sure that the sellers would counteroffer but they didn’t.  The house is a short sale so we are getting an incredible deal on a home that we probably couldn’t afford otherwise.  Because it’s a short sale, it’ll take a little longer to close on it but we have time and patience especially for this home, one that we can stay in for a very long time!  I am already dreaming of how we’ll decorate, where we’ll put furniture, what pieces we’ll have to buy, etc.  It’s a four bedroom, three full bath house.  It’s huge compared to the apartments we’ve lived in for the past 20-some years but with so many bedrooms, we have enough space for a nursery (next to our room), a guest room (in the basement) and one for my home office (on the main floor).  The home is a 1920’s craftsman home with a lot of character.  Once we get the inspection done, we’ll know if there are any red flags but at the moment the only “immediate” fix we know for sure we have to take care of is sanding and painting the outside of the house – we’ll hire someone to do it for us.  Other than that it is move-in ready!

12w5d Update

It’s official.  I’m in the last week of my first trimester.  Wow!  I seriously didn’t think we would ever get this far when we would feel comfortable enough to share this exciting news with our family and friends.  Our dream of becoming parents are turning into reality!

Our little one at this stage is the size of a plum:

After our NT scan on Monday and seeing our little one again with a strong heart beat and a lot of movement, the reality of pregnancy has kicked in for MH.  He’s starting to embrace it more and more.  I’ve been going to sleep so much earlier than MH that he comes into our room and tucks me in with a back scratch and a kiss.  Two weeks ago, I asked him to also rub my belly so that he could start to connect to our little one.  I’m really enjoying it and I think he does too!  He has also started to read the guy’s guide to pregnancy that I got him for Christmas, The Expectant Father.  Over dinner last night, he shared a tidbit from the book.  He seemed proud to contribute his knowledge of pregnancy!  I love it!

Entering the 2nd trimester excites me on many levels especially as the negative symptoms of pregnancy will start to disappear and/or lessen and I start to feel better and have more energy AND I get to start planning!

Symptoms: The symptoms that I thought were going away were just playing a trick on me – they’re still there

Food aversions: I thought I had none but realized last week that I have a serious aversion to meat – poultry, fish and red meat – my OB said that it’s OK

Food cravings: Salty foods and fruit

Mama’s physical changes: My belly has expanded quite a bit; both my acupuncturist and my OB said “OH!  You’ve got a little belly there!” so I know it’s not just me.  I ordered two pairs of Gap maternity jeans from online and I can’t wait to try them on; the ones in the store weren’t very appealing to me so hopefully these, which look better in the picture, will look better on too

Next milestone: To be officially in the 2nd trimester

NT Scan Update and Catching Up

The past week or so has been nuts.  There’s so much to update you on that I don’t know where to start.  So, I’ll start with the most important part: the NT scan.

Yesterday, I was 12w2d and our NT scan was scheduled.  I was scared.  Actually, I was terrified.  I thought for sure that the baby had died and that we would get awful news.  I spent most of the day keeping busy to keep my mind from wandering too “that place” and then went and picked up MH at the office (we have one car) and headed over to the imaging center.  My nausea was getting the best of me but maybe it was also my nerves.  But, my bladder was also so full that I was focusing on not needing to pee all over myself LOL.

As soon as the tech had me lay on the table, I blurted out how terrified I was feeling.  She was so awesome and reassuring.  As soon as the probe found the baby, I held my breath and not a millisecond later the baby was bouncing all around.  It was incredible!  If the baby moving around has any correlation (which I don’t think really is true) than it’s no wonder that I’m suffering from such nausea.  The little one was so active that the tech had a hard time getting the measurements that she needed to get!  But after about 35 minutes she got all of the measurements and declared our baby was looking good!

Heart beat: 176 bpm
NT results: .9mm thickness (anything 3mm or below is normal)

What a relief!  We left with a few pictures on a disk that I’ll blur out soon and post.  The baby has grown so much that I’m shocked but very happy!  We finally feel like we can share this with our family and friends.

I had my second (12 week) OB appointment this morning.  She did a PAP smear and asked me how things are going.  I really love her.  She is really open and friendly – I feel like I can ask her about anything and I don’t feel dumb or talked down to.  I told her about my nausea and she prescribed Zofran for me to try to help cut the nausea so I can eat a little better.  Has anyone else taken it?  Does it help bring your appetite back?  I sure hope it does!  (Updated: my doctor dad says to try to not take it as it has not been proven safe in women who are pregnant; so I might only take it if absolutely necessary).

I missed my 11 week update, when our little one was the size of a lime.  Like I said, things have been really busy.  I partially was starting to feel better but I also wasn’t feeling better.  So when I was feeling better, I was taking advantage and getting some things done and then when I was feeling unwell, I was really feeling nauseated and was on the sofa 🙂

I’ll do a 12 week update later this week…

But, in other news, please keep your fingers crossed for us on a different front: last night almost right after our u/s, MH and I put an offer on a gorgeous craftsman home in the city and we are waiting to hear back on our offer!  We are super excited because it is a home that we can live in until our little one(s) head to college or even beyond!

Observations from the First Trimester

The following is a commentary (my opinion and thoughts) on being pregnant in the first trimester after dealing with a loss and unexplained infertility, which may or may not have been caused by diminished ovarian reserve and/or elevated natural killer cells.  I realize that my thoughts might offend or turn people off but as I’ve said before, this blog is my journal.  My outlet.  I need it for my good mental health.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mother.  When I was little, I would pretend that I was pregnant and put pillows under my shirt for a fake baby bump!  I couldn’t wait to get pregnant (though I avoided it like crazy before I got married!).

I was thrilled when I got a positive pregnancy test in December of 2010 and then shortly after was devastated to learn that I was miscarrying our first little one.  The doctors told me that “women are extra fertile after a miscarriage, so we’ll see you back here again soon!”  Boy were they wrong.

It took a year and MANY tests, procedures and tears before we got another positive pregnancy test.  I was lucky though.  I miraculously fell pregnant naturally after two medicated IUI cycles and before moving onto IVF.  I was incredibly lucky and don’t take any of this for granted.

I held my breath though.  I watched obsessively for signs of impending miscarriage: spotting, bleeding, cramping.  Nothing except for some minor cramping.  I checked my body for pregnancy symptoms daily: tender boobs, thirst, increased CM, etc.  Yup!  They were there.

I was lucky and I continue to be lucky!

Around seven weeks, I thought I was one of the few who didn’t get morning sickness.  Boy was I wrong!  Knock-on-wood at nearly 12 weeks, I have not yet vomited, but I have had extreme nausea.  I thought it was getting better and it is – I used to feel nauseated pretty much all day long but now it starts around 3pm through bedtime.  Morning sickness in my case was definitely all day sickness and now afternoon and evening sickness.

I’m a petite woman.  I’m 5’1″ and at my first OB appointment I weighed less than 110 pounds but more than 100 pounds.  So you can imagine a petite person with a small frame.  Starting around 8 or 9 weeks, I started to feel something – my uterus?  some other internal organ? – in my belly that feels “odd.”  I can tell that something is in my belly that wasn’t there before.  I have NO idea exactly what it is but guess it is probably my uterus.  It feels strange and uncomfortable.

My emotions are out of control.  I’ve bitten off MH’s head more than once in the past couple of months.  The poor guy doesn’t know who he’s coming home to some nights and I don’t blame him for working late when he does.  I hope that as my hormones even out that I have more self-control and feel less depressed and anxious.

Being pregnant in the first trimester is not what I envisioned.  I’m wondering when I’ll start to glow!?  I’m wondering when those feelings of wonder and awe of being pregnant will kick in?!  I’m wondering when I will start to fully enjoy being pregnant?!  I’m hoping that there will be a time when I enjoy feeling my growing uterus and baby in my body!  I hope that I can go back to the happy, loving wife that I used to be.

I am not complaining.  Ok, maybe I am complaining just a little but more so I’m hoping and wondering when pregnancy will turn into a completely enjoyable experience for me.  It took us a lot to get to this point and I’m so grateful, thankful and feeling blesses but hope that at some point I can enjoy being pregnant.  The first trimester has been a roller coaster of a ride – it’s not over yet and I’m looking forward moving quickly towards the second and the third trimesters!  (On a side note: I do not take any of this for granted and I embrace each “side effect” of pregnancy whole-heartedly).

I continue to read many of the blogs that I read before I got pregnant.  It breaks my heart to know that women who were dealing with infertility before me continue to deal with it.  I hurt for them like they hurt for me when I was struggling.  I know that many of them, if they read me before may not be reading now and I understand.  As I progress with this pregnancy, I realize that while I want to continue to support them I also need to start incorporating new blogs into my daily RSS feed.  I need to start reading some pregnancy blogs – those who are experiencing pregnancy at the same time as me and blogs of women who have been there before me.  I don’t want to leave people behind because the infertility community embraced me during my time of need and support.  I will continue to support by reading but I think I will stop commenting out of sensitivity to those who might feel upset by a now pregnant woman commenting…I know how hard and sad it might feel.  If I still have followers who continue to live with infertility and continue to comment on my blog I will feel more comfortable commenting back on their blogs.  I hope makes sense.