Montessori and Updates


It’s been too long, so apologies since this might be an extra long post. Time passes quickly and before I know it I haven’t posted in weeks. I’m sorry…life is strange for me right now. I’m in limbo. We continue to wait. The insurance appeal for her genetic testing (SNP array) is still in process. We got a letter from her pediatrician that tells the insurance company that it is a medical necessity. I’m hopeful that will move things along.

On August 8, we meet with the developmental specialist again and I hope that we’ll get some more answers. It’s a follow up appointment and a second opinion combined in one. I was hoping we would have the SNP array test results to go off of but that’s looking VERY unlikely.

At Roo’s two year pediatrician’s appointment, her doctor told us point blank that she believes that Roo is on the autism spectrum. She also told us that the first neurodevelopmental specialist called her and told her that information (which isn’t in the medical record). I’m so confused and sad. It is something that we will look into further on Aug 8. Ugh.

The primary concerns for being on the spectrum include:

  • Being very rigid
  • Being non-verbal (though she communicates through sign and has some words)
  • Obsessed with certain items and actions

It’s scary. At this point, I just want a diagnosis. I want to know what we are facing. Are we facing mosaic down syndrome? Are we facing autism? Are we facing some other diagnosis or a combination of things?

Time will tell and until then I have to practice patience.

In other news, I want to share a dream that I have that I think I will make come true.

When I was a child, I went to Montessori school until 1st grade. I even thought about becoming a Montessori teacher. I burned out of PR and quit my job. During an 18 month period, I took classes towards my Montessori teaching credential. I always knew that I wanted any of my future children to go to Montessori school. I love the philosophy. If you don’t know about Montessori, please check out this link to learn more.

Before we knew that Roo’s developmental delays were as significant and “lingering” as they are, I visited a couple of Montessori schools in the area that I heard were really good. I fell in love with one in particular and even have convinced a friend that she should send her son there too. But, I recently called the director of the school to talk to her about Roo’s delays and to see if they have experience in working with other little ones with these types of delays. Her response was not surprising but also disappointing. She encouraged me to enroll Roo but that she wasn’t confident that they would be able to work with us and so both parties would need to be open to knowing “it might not be a good fit.”

Maria Montessori’s first school at the turn of the 20th century was for children with special needs. Her philosophy was built on providing a solid education for children who had special needs. It worked and many, if not most, of those children she taught learned so much and thrived. So I felt like the response I got was unsatisfactory. If Maria Montessori built her philosophy on helping those with special needs, shouldn’t Montessori schools carry on that same mission?

I shared this information with a friend who is a Montessori teacher working on her certification in special education. She said that I must open a Montessori school dedicated specifically to kiddos with special needs. She said that I have the resources and the know-how to do it.

The school would function as a Montessori school with teachers hired who are Montessori trained and certified as well have experience with special needs kiddos. I would also make sure that all of the extra resources and therapists needed to support those special needs are also available, such as:

  • Speech
  • Motor
  • Occupational
  • Autism
  • Whatever else is needed

I think the school would focus primarily on those with mild to moderate needs but could include anyone with delays like Roo’s, those with down syndrome and/or Autism.

I’m inspired and motivated. I am going to seriously consider doing it. I am doing research to confirm that there is a need and move forward. I’ve already connected with a woman who is a Montessori teacher and wrote a book about special needs inclusion. My therapist gave me the name of someone who just retired from owning her own Montessori school. I’m excited.

What do you think? If you are familiar with Montessori and/or have a child with special needs, would you send your child to a program like the one I’m envisioning?

To close out, here’s a recent picture of my sweet girl during the recent heat wave! xox

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OvuQuick Update


I might not get how OvuQuick is better than other OPKs because over the weekend when I got my positive test using OvuQuick, I got a positive on my digital 🙂 test as well.  At the exact same time.  How OvuQuick is better isn’t clear to me.  If someone can explain it better to me than great!  If not, then I think I’m going to stick with my digital 🙂 test which are much less expensive.

I had a temperature rise so that paired with a positive OPK on Saturday, I think it is safe to assume that I’ve ovulated.  I’ll keep temping to confirm but I’m probably now officially in the TWW once again.  I’m glad that I’ll be so busy during this wait with the move.  I fly up to Seattle on Wednesday to find a place for us to live – fingers crossed!

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This month, I’ve been doing the Sperm Meets Egg plan.  I know.  I know.  It probably doesn’t work but I thought I’d try it.  I’ve attempted it before but we always seem to fail at keeping up with the (fairly) rigorous schedule but this month I didn’t tell MH, which helps lessen the pressure to perform, and just jumped his bones 😉  I haven’t followed it to a “T” because I started on day 9 instead of day 8 but better late than never, right?!

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The mobile phlebotomist arrives shortly to take my blood for the autoimmune testing.  I hope that he/she doesn’t need to come INTO our apartment because it is a MESS!  Boxes, bubble wrap, paper, our things are strewn all over the place.  If he/she does need to come into our place, oh well!  I’ll never see them again so they can judge me as much as they want.

I have mixed feelings about these tests.  They are really expensive and we’re paying for them out-of-pocket, so I don’t like them already.  I’m torn between really wanting them to reveal something that is treatable and wanting them to show up completely within normal ranges and show that I’m “normal.”

But, like everything around infertility, I HAVE NO CONTROL!  So, I must let go and let it be as it will be and deal with the results when they come.

Am I crazy?


I’ve known this all along but lately I’ve come across it quite often: IUI statistically doesn’t improve chances of pregnancy than trying to do it naturally – when there are no male factor issues.  That is our case.  MH has no male factor issues.  He has an excellent count, great motility and morphology, etc.  So, are we wasting our time and money with IUI?

In the last two-three days, I’ve been seriously considering skipping to IVF if this IUI doesn’t work.  There are a few factors that wouldn’t allow this to happen right away: 1) I need to get MH on board and 2) we need to save up some $$$$ right away.  But, I think that if I can get MH on board and we start saving our $$$$ right away, we could do it before the end of the year – while TTC naturally in between.

Am I crazy for wanting to do this?  I don’t know if there are implantation problems that would make IVF moot: how do we figure that out?  This may cost or save us a lot of money.  I say save because my RE is recommending that if this doesn’t work that we try three rounds of IUI with injectibles, which also add up to a lot of money.  Plus, I would HAVE to get a HSG, which is more $$.  So, if we skip to IVF, we could get lucky on the first try.  But, with DOR I think my chances of successful IVF are lowered.  Is that true?

By the way, we pay for pretty much EVERYTHING out-of-pocket.

Am I losing my mind?  Am I crazy for wanting to pull the big guns out ahead of the game?

I’m just so anxious to get pregnant and be a mommy that I want to skip ahead in this part of the game of life.

The Financial Cost of IUI #1


One of our bigger concerns and questions was around the financial cost of an IUI.  There are many estimates found when using Google but I was never 100% positive of what it would cost in the end.  We also got a cost sheet from our fertility center but it was a little vague because everything was dependent on what steps we needed to complete.  (We live in California where the costs may be slightly higher than other parts of the country).  Also note that we have NO infertility coverage through our insurance 😦

I want to share the steps that we took in our first IUI procedure and how much each step cost:

  1. Initial consult with fertility center (includes 60 minute meeting with doctor, full review of history/blood work previously taken/ultrasound and recommended plan for moving forward): $350
  2. Blood work for me FSH, TSH, E2 [estradiol], Prolactin, [the following are required by CA before IUI or IVF] Rubella, Varicella, ABO/Rh, CBC, Vitamin D 25-Hydroxy): @$500
  3. Blood work for MH HIV 1& 2, HTLV I & II, Hepatitis B Surface Antigen, Hepatitis C Antibody, RPR/VDRL (all of which are required by CA each and every time prior to an IUI or IVF) and a semen analysis: Unknown/SA $200
  4. Medications (partially covered by insurance) Letrozole (15 2.5mgs), Ovidrel (250mgc), Prometrium (20 200mgs): $140
  5. Baseline ultrasound on CD3 this is done to make sure that I had no ovarian cysts and it is safe to start the medications: $285
  6. Follow-up ultrasound on CD11 this is done to check the lining and to count mature ovarian follicles and see if I can trigger: $285
  7. Second follow-up ultrasound on CD14 done to recheck my lining and to see if I can go ahead and trigger (most people don’t have to have this second u/s): $285
  8. Sperm wash and IUI: $450

TOTAL cost: @$2, 495 ~ probably more because I don’t have full cost of MH’s tests

My IUI procedure cost slightly higher because my lining was too thin to trigger on CD11 and I had to do a follow-up ultrasound three days later.  It is a lot of money but we’ll spend as much as we are able to without putting ourselves into financial danger to bring home a healthy and happy baby.  We will do what we must to make this dream come true!

The Stigma of Infertility


Why is it that infertility is a hush-hush topic?  I’ve been wondering about it myself lately.  I actually write another blog, which gets pretty decent traffic but I’m afraid to write about my infertility on it there.  Partially because I want to protect husband’s privacy.  MH is very private and as much as I don’t believe any of his friends or family read my other blog, I would hate to betray his trust.  I also don’t want to write about my loss or my infertility on that blog because I’m afraid that it would turn completely into my infertility and my fears.  I’m sure that I would lose readers pretty quickly.

I believe that unless you’ve walked in the shoes of a woman who is infertile that you cannot comprehend the roller coaster of emotions.  It helps me to write about my experiences to make it through and I’m so grateful to have a platform to share (even if I have no readers).

It certainly helps that some public figures have been open about their infertility problems like Giuliana and Bill Rancic and Rosie Pope.  I thank them for being so open.  But, the stigma still remains.

The definition of stigma is mark of disgrace or a characteristic defect.  I’m shocked and appalled.  Infertility is not a choice.  It is not something that I wanted to become or to have.  However it does make me feel defective – though it should not.

I want to make it a goal of mine once I’m through the emotional toll to try to figure out how to make infertility more of a topic of discussion.  Infertility should be covered by insurance.  All insurance and in every state.  And it is not.  I know that because our insurance does not cover a penny of my treatments.  Everything we are doing is coming out of our own pockets.  It is a tremendous shame.  Getting pregnant and giving birth is not a luxury.  It should not be considered an elective medical treatment.  It is a “disease” if you will and should be treated as one.

Infertility should not be stigmatized.  We should be able to talk about it with our friends and loved ones.  I just don’t know how to get there myself.  It’ll take some work.  Any thoughts on how to remove the stigma of infertility?