Taking Charge of My Depression

One of the reasons why I haven’t posted much recently is because my depression is worse. I’m also incredibly busy with my increased work schedule but I’m pleased with that part of my life and being busy with work allows me to occupy my mind in other ways.

I see a huge difference in my state of mind around my period. I seriously consider divorcing my husband when I’m PMSing each and every month. It is getting worse as each month goes by – I stood in the shower yesterday for 30 minutes crying. I am much moodier than I was even a year ago and I feel so hopeless about my marriage.

At my last therapy session, I told my therapist that it was time to do something chemically to help support the therapy that she’s working on with me. She was very supportive. I called my GYN today and she is prescribing me a low dose of Zo.loft. I hope I can start it today or tomorrow. It will take a few weeks go start working but I look forward to being on a better path than I’m on right now. This is one of the antidepressants that they said is safe for breastfeeding. I hope that is true.

I hope it can give me clarity to both feel better and have a clearer state of mind. With a clearer state of mind, I think I’ll be able to better sort through whether my depression is a marriage-related issue or just a hormonal imbalance.

This is the first time I’ve gone down this path and I’m scared. But, I’m more scared that without it I will make a hasty decision to divorce my husband and regret it. If I do make the decision to leave him, I want to do it with a clear mind.

Have any of you been so depressed that you needed some pharmaceutical assistance?

10 thoughts on “Taking Charge of My Depression

  1. You have made the hardest first step. here is hoping that you can manage this to make yourself happier. And please don’t blame yourself at all.

  2. Aww so sorry you are going through this…i hear you loud and clear. I suffered from severe OCD, major anxiety and major depressive episode many years ago and thought i would never be able to achieve my dream of becoming a mother. I spent many week in hospital and connected with a miracle in my psychiatrist. He was amazing, made me work so hard and finally found the perception that worked for me. 4 years later i have an amazing 3 yr old and my precious girl(10mos) through ivf. I highly ecourage you to get a referral to a psychiatrist the can work around the breast feeding with several different meds. I currently (and thoughout both pregnancies and best feeding) take a large amount of several different medications. Losts of luck….feel free to email me!

  3. I think you’ve taken the biggest step. Sometimes it is truly just a matter of an imbalance and the medication makes everything a little clearer. I hope that’s the case for you. I don’t have any experience, but one of the blogs I read – fabulousmommy wrote about her bout with depression. I believe it’s a
    wordpress site. Good luck!

  4. Been there, done that got the tshirt! Yes, when the depression gets to a certain level, medication helps. When they really work, sometimes it’s like turning on a light the change is so sudden. Sometimes it’s a gradual lightening, like someone is lifting the pallet of bricks off your head, brick by brick. There are levels in depression that are really hard to kick without chemical assistance, particularly with some kinds of melancholic depression, as I had, that have a large genetic element. The hormonal swing sounds familiar, and when you’re in an episode the swing down at that time of the month gets harder to climb out of. I had one major major episode that was quite long ten years ago, luckily didn’t get PND, but have never forgotten how it feels. I hope the meds help, but don’t hesitate to try another (zo.loft sucked balls for me). And I agree wholeheartedly that psychiatrists are much better at choosing meds and altering doses, they can save you months of trial and error if they’re good.

    My current antidepressant is outdoor boxercise. Sun, good people, and high high high intensity exercise ( not just walking) is an amazing mood leveller. Amazing. It has now kept me on the level for YEARS.

  5. zo.lof.t type meds can give you that flash pause where your reality brain works rather than the chaos overwhelming. I suggest ALSO looking at your hormonal levels with a really really good doctor endocrinologist specialist. Hormones are real buggers at screwing up your brain and today doctors know LOTS more than they did even 10 years ago. Endo should also be looking at your thyroid and blood sugars. You are surrounded by love clearly from all your commentators, you CAN get to the other side and find your joy and sanity again.

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