I’ve started to see an individual therapist. I’ve been feeling incredibly depressed lately and it has gotten pretty bad. I feel completely unmotivated, angry, sad. I don’t feel like myself and I decided it was time to do something about it. A friend told me about her experience on antidepressants and how it helped to lift the fog of negativity so she could start to feel like herself again. I haven’t broached the topic of antidepressants yet but I think I will soon.
I LOVE my therapist. From the moment I met her and started to share with her (just my background and family history), I felt like she “got me.” She even was able to articulate some feelings and put a label on them when I’ve been struggling for some time to do so. As you know, I’ve been struggling a lot with MH and I brought up my “issues” with him. She said that she wants to work with me on those because I’m committed to working on those but first I need to deal with the TRAUMA (she defined my experience as trauma) of the miscarriage, leading to a difficult pregnancy, leading to bed rest, leading to premature birth, etc. She believes that when I’ve dealt with the emotions of the trauma of one emotionally challenging thing to another that I will better be able to work on my relationship with my husband. I love it – I just wish I could speed up time so I feel better faster.
One of the homework assignments was for me to put down on paper each individual experience as a fact and then write about how I felt then and how I feel about it now. I think that I’m able to upload it for you to read (sorry it is so tiny). These are deeply personal feelings and thoughts and I hope that you will be respectful if you choose to comment about what I’ve written.
I realize when looking at the whole picture that I was depressed through most of the last two years. That I have felt very alone, scared and overwhelmed through the miscarriage, feeling so ill with my pregnancy with Roo, my water breaking, the hospital stay and even now dealing with the ongoing appointments with occupational therapists, nutritionists, etc. I should probably write about it more here. I just don’t have the time and I’m exhausted (and depressed, which doesn’t help).
So, maybe some of you feel the same way as I do, even if you haven’t been down the exact same path as me. Please share with me. I know I’m not entirely alone here.