Why is it…?

Why is it that I struggled to get pregnant after our loss?  Why is it that I watched so carefully for EWCM each month and wished my period was longer and not so light?

Now that we are definitely not wanting more than our little girl, my period is so heavy each month.  (Sorry, TMI) I’m currently rocking serious EWCM, so much so that I want to call MH and tell him to get his ass home so we can procreate NOW.  LOL.  Not!

But, seriously?!  Why now?  After?  Why not before could my period have been so heavy?  Why not before could my EWCM show up like a charm?  I think I will always think about what it means to deal with infertility and loss.  Every month my period flows so dark and heavy, I will wonder why now and not before?

Luckily, we are so happy and satisfied with our little one.  If only I didn’t fear secondary infertility.  If only I didn’t fear a difficult pregnancy and another premature baby.  Maybe then.  But most likely not!  It’ll take a lot to convince me to go through the stress of TTC, pregnancy and birth again.

To all of you hoping for your first, second or even third little ones and who are struggling.  I think of you and I wish you a positive outcome!  I will never forget what it’s like to struggle.  You are not alone!

7 thoughts on “Why is it…?

  1. No such thing as TMI in this world! Thanks for sharing. It’s a sad but also comforting reminder that even if we make it and our babies come along that our struggle to get there will always be a daily (or monthly in your case) factor in our lives.

  2. That stinks!! I’m glad your body is doing what it should, but if only it were easier the first time around! That is interesting to read though!

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