Psychology was my minor in college and so I often look at relationships and think about why they might succeed or fail. I now have two friends who separated from their husbands within one year of having their babies and are now divorced. I think before marriage and before kids, I would have wondered why they couldn’t make it work. I would have judged them.
Today, sitting on the other side of marriage and a baby. I get it. Marriage is hard enough without the stress of a baby. A baby is hard enough without everything else.
There have been times since giving birth that I’ve wondered why I married MH. I have thought about what it would be like to be a single mom. I don’t like the idea. It’s hard enough parenting with a partner. I can’t imagine really doing it on my own.
As much as I get annoyed with him and as much as we struggle, I need and want to make our marriage work. Not only for myself but also for our daughter. We have been doing marriage counseling a few times a month since January and it is helping a lot.
We continue to have a lot of work to do and I know that the road will not always be smooth but I hope that it won’t come to a point where we need to separate.
I could be wrong since I have never had a full term baby but I think the challenge of having a preemie adds to the stress of marriage. It is one of the reasons why we only want one child.
I get it though why those friends separated and then divorced. It would be much easier than to put the time and energy into it. There are days when I would much rather be on my own but I push those feelings aside and try to open myself to focusing on our marriage.
How do you refocus on your marriage and away from the stress of the baby? Did you have a preemie and do you think the stress is greater?