One of the things I love about my mommy group is how open and honest we can be with each other – almost like our online community. Just not quite like it entirely.
I had a couple of the girls over for lunch after our group yesterday and the three of us talked about how hard marriage is after a baby. It felt good to know that MH and I are not the only ones struggling. It was reassuring to know we are not alone in struggling with marriage. It is a lot of hard work.
A couple of you are right in that some of our problems stem from poor communication prior to Roo’s arrival. I made the mistake of not communicating and resolving some issues that I had with and about MH from before we were even married. I always had issue with some things that I pushed aside for one reason or another. They bothered me but since it was just me, I chose to pick my battles and let them go.
Something was triggered inside when Roo was born and those issues are suddenly a problem for me again. Because its not just MH and me. We have a little one to think about and those issues could have an ill effect even if indirectly on her.
I’m disappointed in myself for not forcing us to deal with things before. I’m bitter and pissed at him for not following through on some things he said he would when talked about them before and putting us in a poor position now.
MH is being awesome in that he acknowledges the error of his past mistakes and issues and wants to do everything to make our marriage work. I won’t go into detail about our exact issues but be assured that they have nothing to do with infidelity.
I do know this: I am not alone in this. MH is coming to the table with palms up and open. He’s ready to do the work to strengthen our marriage. I need to do my part and come to the table with the same attitude and I need to let my anger from the past go. We need to look to the future and focus on finding solutions and not blame.
If we can keep doing this, we will come out stronger, closer and better than we were before.
MH has agreed that we may need counseling to help us and I’m so relieved.
I need your help. This is going to be hard but in spite of everything he has and hasn’t done, I love MH and I want our marriage to work for me and for Roo. I need you to keep reminding me that this is worth fighting for even if it gets worse before it gets better.
I need you to let me vent here even if I’m vague on details. I feel lucky in that some blogs have readers who are terribly judgmental and leave nasty comments and I have only once or twice and maybe even never gotten a judgmental comment. I appreciate the support you give me.