I’m Not Alone and Will Come Out Better, Stronger

One of the things I love about my mommy group is how open and honest we can be with each other – almost like our online community. Just not quite like it entirely.

I had a couple of the girls over for lunch after our group yesterday and the three of us talked about how hard marriage is after a baby. It felt good to know that MH and I are not the only ones struggling. It was reassuring to know we are not alone in struggling with marriage. It is a lot of hard work.

A couple of you are right in that some of our problems stem from poor communication prior to Roo’s arrival. I made the mistake of not communicating and resolving some issues that I had with and about MH from before we were even married. I always had issue with some things that I pushed aside for one reason or another. They bothered me but since it was just me, I chose to pick my battles and let them go.

Something was triggered inside when Roo was born and those issues are suddenly a problem for me again. Because its not just MH and me. We have a little one to think about and those issues could have an ill effect even if indirectly on her.

I’m disappointed in myself for not forcing us to deal with things before. I’m bitter and pissed at him for not following through on some things he said he would when talked about them before and putting us in a poor position now.

MH is being awesome in that he acknowledges the error of his past mistakes and issues and wants to do everything to make our marriage work. I won’t go into detail about our exact issues but be assured that they have nothing to do with infidelity.

I do know this: I am not alone in this. MH is coming to the table with palms up and open. He’s ready to do the work to strengthen our marriage. I need to do my part and come to the table with the same attitude and I need to let my anger from the past go. We need to look to the future and focus on finding solutions and not blame.

If we can keep doing this, we will come out stronger, closer and better than we were before.

MH has agreed that we may need counseling to help us and I’m so relieved.

I need your help. This is going to be hard but in spite of everything he has and hasn’t done, I love MH and I want our marriage to work for me and for Roo. I need you to keep reminding me that this is worth fighting for even if it gets worse before it gets better.

I need you to let me vent here even if I’m vague on details. I feel lucky in that some blogs have readers who are terribly judgmental and leave nasty comments and I have only once or twice and maybe even never gotten a judgmental comment. I appreciate the support you give me.

11 thoughts on “I’m Not Alone and Will Come Out Better, Stronger

  1. we are here to listen and support!
    If you BOTH are willing to work on it, you’re gonna make thru it! My first marriage fell apart because I was the only one trying to patch things up…


  2. I completely agree with your blog post. While our problems are a little more difficult, your post made me think about my actions and reactions when it comes to communication.

  3. Anything that you believe in is worth fighting for, specially something as beautiful as a marriage can be. U rock for being so strong. And there is not one marriage out there that is lacking drama of any kind, we (people) are just really good at concealing it 😉 hugs!

  4. I’m glad to hear you are both coming to the table to work on things, to learn to communicate with one another, and even seek counseling if you need. It IS worth fighting for! Your happiness as a couple will have an effect on all aspects of your family. You can do it, and it will make you stronger!

  5. Sp glad to hear your dh will consider counseling with you. Mine won’t and it frustrates me to no end. I know I should just go myself, but I’m having a hard time see how it will help. May you two work things out and become stronger!

  6. It sounds like both of you have a really great attitude about this. My mother once said to me, “During a marriage, know that you will both fall in and out of like with each other many times. That is a fact. Sometimes it will last a few hours and sometimes it will last much longer. That’s when your choices come in. You either choose to work on it and have faith that the big picture is worth it, or you walk away. Either way, life will go on. But, what will make you content half a lifetime from now?” It sounds like you and your husband are making a choice to continue loving each other. I hope you and he are able to find contentment and joy. Sending many positive thoughts!


  7. We are all here for you…please share whatever you need to share as you go through this. And it is HUGE that your husband wants to make this work. Did you know I was married before? (Not something I often talk about.) My first husband was totally unwilling to do anything to help our marriage…I thought once you got married you stayed married no matter what so it took me a long, long time to realize that if the other person isn’t willing there’s really nothing you can do. I tried to have us go to marriage counseling but right before our first appt. we had a HUGE fight because he didn’t want to go, I forced the issue and he went but then paid the lady with a bad check (I had no idea that we had no money…all gone to his drug habit…good times) so of course we could never go back.
    But I hugely digress. My point is your marriage absolutely sounds like saving. So glad you are trying to work through this.

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