I have a confession. I’m not feeling very happy in my marriage. I love MH but there are more days than not that I feel like I could do this parenting thing better on my own.
I feel horrible admitting that “out loud” but it’s how I feel.
The truth is that he hasn’t touched me since I had the baby. I realize that it’s been tough since she was born for us to have any private, intimate moments but he’s made no effort. I’ve raised the topic and he always comes up with an excuse. I touch him every day with a hug or a kiss but it is me reaching out. I want to know that my husband still desires me and I don’t necessarily know that he does.
I also feel like he is afraid of Roo. Afraid that he is going to break her and so he is hesitant/reluctant to take the lead with her. He is lacking in confidence even though he is so great and gentle with her. It is so frustrating to me because I want him to be able to take over when my parents are gone. I want to be confident that I can leave her with him on their own so I can get things done. But I’m not. He isn’t showing me that he is willing or ready.
It pisses me off that he still comes to bed late that he does pretty much everything that he did before the baby arrived. He comes to bed late and reads when I’m sleeping with the baby. He watched sports and sits on his laptop when he could be helping with the baby and/or doing stuff to help out around the house.
I’m just irritated. MH is a great guy but these past few months has made me look at him with new eyes and I don’t necessarily like what I see.
To be fair, I might have high and unrealistic expectations of him. But we talked and dreamed about what life was going to be like after she was born and he just isn’t managing to meet even half of what we talked about. On weekends, he only cares about getting HIS errands run and going to the gym. It takes him hours to run to the dry cleaner and the gym. It pisses me off. I’ve asked him to not take as long but he never manages to do so.
A friend with twin boys and a new daughter told me that she felt that in her circle of friends that couples either felt their marriages got stronger after a baby or failed and divorced within a couple of years.
I don’t want to get divorced and I love MH but if things don’t change. I think we will have a very unhappy marriage. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he doesn’t seem to think there is a problem that requires anything more than time to help us. I beg to differ but every time I try to talk to him about it he gets mad at me. So I don’t talk about it and I’m feeling more and more resentful of him.
What do I do? How do I change this?
(Yes, I know everything is worse in the middle of the night but…)