It began when I was pregnant – in the first trimester when I was suffering from such bad morning sickness. I told MH and my parents that this was most likely going to be the only child that I would give birth to on purpose 🙂 Those feelings never really went away and went up after the trauma of my water breaking early, Roo being born early and the stress that having a preemie has had on me. I love Roo more than anything and I know that if she were my only child than I’d be OK with it. I’d be more than OK with it.
The other night, MH and I had a date night. My parents stayed with Roo and we went for an adult dinner out and bought some more furniture for our new house. Over dinner, I admitted to MH that I really still only want one baby and Roo is it for me. I can’t handle more. She is the most wonderful, delicious creature but she is a handful. I can’t imagine having two or dealing with what I dealt with during pregnancy with another child in the house. I was a little surprised to hear that MH felt the same way.
We came away from dinner knowing that Roo is most likely going to be our only child. We know that with just one child, we can give Roo the best a child could imagine. Financially and emotionally having one child is best for us.
We also came away knowing that things can change and our feelings in the next year or two might be different. However, we are both aware that at our age that window is pretty narrow especially given the challenges that we had conceiving Roo.
My OB said that we should wait at least a year given the challenges we had with Roo’s early delivery. My acupuncturist and traditional Chinese medicine doctor said that I needed to wait at least three years. Either way, I am going to find and use a birth control method that will prevent pregnancy in a fail-safe way. I had wanted to avoid a medicinal prevention but I think that charting while exclusively breast-feeding is going to be unreliable. My OB recommended a low-dose mini-pill to see how my body is affected (in other words, if my milk supply is affected) and then she recommended the Miren.a, IUD. I need to learn more to see if it makes sense.
I feel very happy with this decision. So does MH. I know that this is the right decision financially and emotionally for us as a couple. I think our marriage will be better for it.
Anyway, in my heart, I’m a mommy to two – just one of my little babies has gone before the rest of us 🙂