Keeping It Real

Just keeping it real here. Being a new parent is hard. Being a part of a parenting team is really hard. MH and I do things very differently and there have been moments when I would rather parent on my own.

I love how he hugs her and tells her his dreams for her. I love how he is so gentle with her and jumps in to change her diaper.

I struggle with how he is slow to react when I need help with her – for example, tonight Roo was hungry and screaming her head off for a bottle and he wanted to watch Italy walk into the Olympic ceremony. Really?! Your baby is hungry and crying and you are putting her off to watch f’ing tv? I’ll do it myself.

I am so annoyed. He bugs me. He doesn’t do things fast enough. I have moments when I really dislike him right now.

Because my parents are here helping out, he gets to sleep in and he seems to do less around the house. It makes me mad because he’s stepping back and letting them take over. He needs to step up.

Is this hormones? Is this normal or not normal? I feel bad but I can’t help but be annoyed. Ugh!

Sorry for the vent. I love my husband but right now I’m really annoyed.

12 thoughts on “Keeping It Real

  1. Oh that’s very normal!! I still get frustrated with my husband. He doesn’t change diapers unless I beg him too. Sometimes he will be holding theo and theo will be screaming his head off and I’ll ask to have him so I can calm him down and he won’t give him to me. He says he wants to help him calm down but sometimes a baby just wants his mommy. That drives me nuts!!!
    It’s hard because if given the opportunity everyone would just take a step back and allow others to do the “dirty” work. Maybe sit down and talk to him about how you not only need his support but it’s so important for you two to be on the same page with roo and her needs. Explain exactly how you are feeling. Even tho you might think its perfectly clear, sometimes boys aren’t the brightest (meant in the kindness way possible) and they need things laid out exactly. He might just not understand the urgency of getting that bottle, crazy I know as a screaming baby would scream urgent to us as mamas but dads usually tend to be a little more laid back. He’s learning to so cut him a little slack and your hormones are still a little outa wack so you aren’t thinking with a super clean brain (welcome to mommy hood, where babies are the only thing on your brain).
    It gets easier. Theo is just 5.5 months and we are settling in nicely to a routine where we work together, most of the time.
    I can only imagine your life is so much more stressful as she’s a premie and her demands are much more particular than a full term baby.
    Just take a breathe and remember you are a great mom and doing the best you can!

  2. Totally normal, for both of you. My hubs was the same way at first, and sometimes still is. I think the selfish switch just takes a little longer to get flipped to “off” with the fellas. Remember, you had nine months of sacrificing and preparing for your babe. You got to feel her and bond with her. He’s just now getting all that. Try to remember he’s learning too, as the previous commenter said. And ask for help when you need it. We had a big fight one night because of many of the things you expressed. My hubs told me that I need to ask for what I want, even if if seems obvious. Once I started doing that, things got better and he eventually learned and stepped up to my expectations. Now, I don’t have to ask. Hang in there, mama. And talk, talk, talk to your hubby!!!

  3. It is not just you – I had the exact same problem with my husband. It only got better when mom left for a few weeks and he had to step up. Sorry you had to deal with this issue too! Hang in there – it gets better!

  4. I have yet to have my kid, but I am reading an amazing book that could offer some insight. It’s called Bringing up Bebe. I will post a review about it when I finish it, but one of the things it talks about is how waiting to respond to your crying baby can actually be good for the baby, and surprisingly enough, will teach them security in the long run. It’s too long to explain in this comment, but he may be on to something. On the other hand, if it really does seem like you’re the only one suffering, maybe it’s time to ask your parents to take a rest so he has the opportunity to step up, and I would seriously talk to him about how much you’re suffering with this.

    Again, what do I know because I haven’t had my kid yet? Who knows. But I do hope things get better for you soon!

    • Bringing Up Bebe is on my list of books to read πŸ™‚

      I totally agree that one should allow a baby some time before picking him/her up but as Roo is still a preemie I try to respond to her every need as soon as I can so she doesn’t get too upset.

      I agree that I won’t jump to her every whimper and cry as she gets older!

  5. “My hubs told me that I need to ask for what I want, even if if seems obvious. Once I started doing that, things got better and he eventually learned and stepped up to my expectations.”

    THIS exactly!!!! It’s so hard for me to do though…..I just want him to “get” it.!

  6. Ugh, that would be frustrating!! I love your honesty. It helps to see a different perspective and see how difficult it is. It must be the hardest job of all. I’ve heard other ladies say similar things. Men are from a different world – it seems like! I hope things get easier as time goes on. xoxo Thinking of you! *hugs*

  7. Totally normal. And Liesel hit the nail on the head, you have to tell him. Especially things that seem like common sense to you. It’s so annoying at first, feeling like he should already *know*, but eventually, it gets easier to ask without being bothered, and it gets easier for him to anticipate.

  8. Hi,
    Glad you are talking about this. My husband and I have had some real struggles with the birth of the twins. I think it’s partly hormones and partly just being so dang exhausted all the time. We’ve had some huge fights and we usually never fight…but I am learning ways to better deal with it (him), and it’s happening less often so if my situation is any indicator it will get better! This whole parenting thing is a huge adjustment.
    That said, I’m sorry you are having to deal with such crap. Sucks. Hang in there…

  9. I tend to snap at him if it gets too much for me! He is getting a bit better, but in 6wks he changed his first diaper ONLY today, because I was way beyond irritated that he offered himself to take him from my arms so I could eat my lunch. They need to be TOLD what to do! By themselves I do not think they grasp it. I dislike him to for being able to have a nap after lunch or sleep in in the mornings. Or when he says to me that he is tired…WHAT?!?! He hands me the baby as soon he starts crying…i wish too sometimes (when I’m really tired) that I was on my own….but that is only exhaustion and hormones talking. Hang in there xxx

  10. As much as they’re a part of the babies we make, men just don’t have the same instincts we do or the sense of urgency we feel when we hear a baby crying. I’m sure a lot of what you’re feeling is hormones and adjusting to your new life. Just remember that he’s adjusting too (I’ll have to make sure to take my own advice when I’m in your position soon enough! LOL!). You’ll both find your rhythm soon! xo

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