Anxiety Provoked

I thought a lot about this before writing and hesitate sharing with you but I’ve always been very open with you for authenticity and so here goes…

I always heard about post-partum depression and how common it is for women to suffer from it. What I never thought was that it could happen to me. I actually think that I have more of post-partum anxiety than depression. I’m not suffering from any of the classic depression signs but my level of anxiety is at an all time high.

Since Roo came home, I haven’t been able to sleep at night because I’m terrified that she is going to stop breathing or that she will choke on her own spit up. I won’t let her sleep without someone watching her at all times. It means that no one is getting good sleep. I am constantly checking to make sure she is breathing and I always need to know that she is ok.

It has gotten to the point where I need help. So I have an appointment with a therapist on Monday morning. I hope that it helps because I need to sleep, I want my family to sleep and I need to lower my anxiety levels.

I think a lot has to do with the miscarriage and that loss. I think it has to do with the premature rupture of membranes and Roo’s early arrival. I hope to work through my fears and anxieties and get to a better place. I want to be able to breathe and enjoy my daughter instead of being afraid all of the time.

Has anyone else experienced this anxiety? I know that most new moms feel this way but I feel like my level of anxiety is off the charts. I’m not pleasant to be around.

If you have experienced this heightened sense of anxiety, how did you manage it? What did you do? How long did it take for it to go away?


14 thoughts on “Anxiety Provoked

  1. I experienced this but it faded over the course of about a week or two after bringing each one home. I think you’ve been home a while longer than that so I’m glad you’re speaking to a therapist. I have been in therapy for 2 years to deal with my infertility (among other things) and my therapist actually came to the hospital the day I delivered and I’ve seen her weekly ever since. What you’re experiencing is likely PTSD, not post partum. It’s situational anxiety due to the circumstances of the early delivery and experience in the NICU. Its common and I’m glad you are going to speak with someone as it can get pretty bad.

    I know I’ve said this before but the one thing that allowed / allows me to sleep is knowing they have their Snuza Halo monitors on them. It gave me peace to know that an alarm would go off if they stopped breathing. It’s well worth the investment – for everyone’s sanity and peace of mind. The other thing is – at some point the stress / anxiety / lack of sleep is going to catch up to you. It can severely affect your milk supply – so of anything, use that as a motivator to work through this and get some rest.

    I’m thinking of you!

  2. Yes I had it also. Take care of yourself, my doctor explained it in terms of the huge drop in hormones following birth. It will pass, the more you worry about it the more it lasts. Can you get a relaxation tape and listen to it every day, this will help to calm down your system and also help you sleep. Not sleeping does not help either. You are not alone.

  3. ((Big hugs)) Thank you for sharing with us. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve heard of many women experiencing the same thing. It will get easier, and I’m glad you’re aware and seeking help. Just know that it is normal. I hope you feel much better soon though! ❤

  4. From all of our previous losses and now the complications with this pregnancy, my anxiety is sky high. I am now 35 weeks and to the point where I am having full blown anxiety attacks. Although I am scared now, I am terrified about how I will be once my little one is here. So many precious gifts have been taken away from me that I just can’t let my guard down with this baby. My Peri actually recommended the Snuza Halo. It is a monitor that they can wear no matter where they are sleeping and having a fan on does not affect it like the Angel monitor. I finally bought one and have been playing with it since. I’ve tested out the fan theory and my doctor was right. My heart goes out to you right now but I can honestly relate to how you are feeling. The stress/worry/anxiety never ends, does it?!?!

  5. I was the same way when Abby first started spending the night. Over the first few weeks I got better until I only panicked when she slept too long, even by five minutes. I don’t know how much comfort I can be since our baby was already 11 months, I just wanted to reiterate that you’re not alone. I’m glad you’re seeing a therapist to work through it. I hope things get better soon.

  6. I have no advice, just huge hugs .. *HUGS* Glad you are recognizing that the anxiety is keeping you from living your life the way you want and you are seeking help. I hope you find therapy to be useful. ❤

  7. I am so glad you shared this, and am also glad you’re talking to someone. I think you’re very right about where the anxiety is coming from. It’s normal to feel anxious, but ‘I hope you’ll be able to resolve some of these feelings and get some more rest. Wishing you the best

  8. Thank you for sharing! I had reservations about sharing my PPD diagnosis on my blog too.

    I was technically diagnosed with postpartum depression after my miscarriage last year. I was offered meds, but declined becuase I knew I wanted to start trying again ASAP. The depression faded, but when I got pregnant again I was having anxiety attacks for the first 18 weeks or so. My PPD came back full force after I had Baby G in March and I’m taking medicine to help me out and I’m debating on whether or not I should see a counselor. At first I was chalking up my symptoms to just being a new mom, but when I realized I didn’t care to check on Baby G when he was crying hysterically, I knew I had a problem. I’m glad you’ve been able to recognize something could be going on and are going to seek help.

    I didn’t know it was from a drop in hormones, but that makes sense. I start weening myself off my pills next month and I’m keeping my fingers crossed my body has sorted itself out enough that I won’t have to continue taking them.

    My midwife said that sleep helps cure PPD/PPA, so try and get it when you can. I know it’s hard in general when you have a baby, and especially when you want to make sure your baby is okay when it’s sleeping (I’ve lost sleep over that anxiety too).


  9. Oh, I had anxiety so bad for the first six weeks…just sure the babies were going to die and going over and over scenarios in my head especially at night while pumping. One thing that helped me was to start reading while pumping so something to distract myself instead of sitting in the dark fearing the worst. It kind of went away for the most part around six weeks. Great you are seeing a therapist…let us know how it goes. XO

  10. Just here to support you! I’m sorry to hear about the anxiety, I hope your doc can help clear it up quickly. HUGS.

  11. I know this is an old post but I wanted to let you know that I also fought with depression after having my preemie. He is a 24 weeker. I think all of the emotional stress while in the NICU caught up with me after getting home and it all came crashing down. Cheers to you and hugs…

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