The past few days have been good and bad. Good in that things are just moving along really well for Roo and bad in that I’m overly tired and emotionally exhausted.
On Friday, I had a serious meltdown. I was alone at the hospital and I just wanted to sob. I was tired and Roo was inconsolable for some unknown reason. She finally stopped crying when I held her tight in a swaddle and patted her back for a couple of hours. I literally fell asleep with her in my arms and my one hand just kept on patting! It was nice. However, I didn’t want to fall apart in the hospital, so I kept it all in until I got home and went up to bed for a nap. I cried my eyes out and then fell asleep – kind of like Roo did, LOL! I was just spent and done. I was exhausted from pumping on a two-three hour schedule. The lactation consultants have me pumping all the time to get my milk to fully come in. It has come in but I guess it isn’t increasing as much as they would like it to and I’m frustrated and also exhausted. It’s too much though I will keep going for the health and well-being of my little girl!
Yesterday was a much better day. Roo’s picc line (“permanent” IV) was removed from her arm on Friday so she was a happy camper and so was I! She didn’t have any problems like she had the day before which was nice and made my life a lot happier. MH and I spent the better part of the day just hanging out with her. MH left me alone with her for a couple of hours to run some errands and Roo and I just cuddled in the chair together and took a nap. I love just snuggling with my baby girl.
This morning we arrived to our little Roo sleeping in a big girl crib! She graduated from being in an isolette (incubator) to an open air crib! She proved to the nurses and doctors that she can maintain her own body temperature and is now allowed to be in a “normal” crib! I’m so excited. She also is allowed to wear her regular clothes. The nursing staff has been dressing her and they’ve chosen the most adorable outfits! We had a good day today. However, I’m still feeling really emotional and moody. I snapped at both my mom and MH. I apologize but I can’t help myself. I’m exhausted. They don’t need to remind me that I need to get good sleep and they don’t need to ask me how I’m doing. Agh! Leave me alone! I think you know how I feel so don’t ask me!!!
The best news that we received today is that Roo MIGHT be able to go home this week. I’m not counting on it and we’re keeping this information to ourselves (in other words not broadcasting it over Facebook or any other way – except here of course, heh, heh)! Roo has to prove herself with her eating. She’s taking her meals really well and has done some breast-feeding, which is so awesome for me! She’s up to 4 lbs. 3 oz., which is really awesome. I’m really excited and trying not to get ahead of myself. I know that she could have a set back, which would mean she needs to start over and wouldn’t be allowed to come home until she proved herself again. Fingers crossed!
The other fun news for the day was that I got to give Roo a bath. She’s gotten a bath before but the nursing staff did it. I was terrified but I did a great job and Roo loved it! She was very calm and looked all around while I was giving it to her. I think when we get home and she’s big enough I will incorporate it into our bedtime routine!
When she does get to come home, MH and I will do one night in the hospital with her and the nurses and they’ll help us figure out how to care for her “special needs” – in other words, we’ll learn how to properly make her formula concoction they mix with my breast milk, etc. She also needs to pass her car seat test, where they put her in her car seat for 90 minutes to make sure she can breathe properly, etc. (We need to get her car seat!). She also will have to have her hearing tested but I’m not concerned – fortunately or unfortunately, she is sensitive to noise!
Well, that’s all the news that I have from here. I’m quickly learning that having a preemie is no cake walk. There are many things that are the same as having a full or close to full-term baby but with several additional layers depending on how close to full term your baby was born. Luckily, Roo hung on for those two additional weeks inside me – otherwise, our uphill battle would be even harder.
Each day that goes by is easier. I feel more comfortable holding her with her multiple wires and leads that monitor her various vital signs. The removal of her picc line was a huge step with one less wire coming off of her body. MH is also more comfortable with her. He has changed several diapers, including some dirty ones. Changing a diaper in an isolette through two arm holes is a challenge but he did great!
Each day that goes by is also less scary. I know that when she comes home the anxiety will go back up again to a different level. However, I look forward to it! I know that it’ll be a different challenge having her home without the incredible competence of the nursing staff to support us. But, I’m excited to be able to nurse her on demand and to not have to drive in and out of the hospital multiple times a day.
In fun news, my mom has painted Roo’s nursery. We chose Benjamin Moore paint color French Lilac for her walls. The large pieces of furniture except the glider have arrived. We will arrange them tomorrow when the paint has dried. And, we’ll start to organize her many clothes by size. The pack-n-play, which will serve as Roo’s bed until we feel ready for her to sleep in her own room is put together and in our room next to my side of the bed. I LOVE THIS!! Roo is coming home soon!!
I think of you all often and apologize for not being as attentive to your blogs as I have been in the past. Let me get past this brief time and I’ll get back on track. Know though that I think of you!
Thank you again for your ongoing support and Internet love!