It wasn’t supposed to happen this way, right?! Roo is supposed to stay inside me until early August. That would give us two months to prepare for her arrival. Not just physically like her nursery, my hospital bag, take a birthing class, etc., but also emotionally.
I’m sad because I wanted to do a maternity shoot – not sure that can happen for obvious reasons. I wanted to have one last trip with MH, we were going to go to Vancouver this weekend – hotel has been cancelled. We wanted to see some movies and go out to dinner – well that can still be done but only from the “comfort of my bed.”
I wanted to read some books about labor and delivery and find books about breast feeding. I guess I can go online and order those books.
There’s a lot I want to do and now I can’t. It’s ok. I’ll get over it.
I’m feeling good still. Yesterday was uneventful. Roo had good heart rates. I had lots of little contractions but I only felt a handful of them. I stayed in bed all day long. I slept, read, talked to friends on the phone.
I’m sad. I’m missing out on some of my pregnancy. Is that dumb to say! Especially since I’ve not enjoyed being pregnant. Is it my punishment? I’m angry that I told people I wouldn’t be sad if Roo arrived early but I meant only by one or two weeks. This is too early.
Can I handle it? Yes. Am I scared? Yes. Can I do it? Yes. Will she be ok? Yes, I think so.
This is hard. Like infertility, miscarriage, troubles trying to conceive, all of which seem to have been dropped into my lap, pPROM is one more challenge that I can face. I hope that like those other three, I come out smiling in spite of the hurdles and challenges. I want to come out smiling. I know I will come out smiling.
Now, I’d better get some more sleep. Thanks for letting me vent and “journal” a bit here.