On This Day


For the two weeks that I was pregnant last year, I spotted and cramped the entire time. I knew that something was wrong but there wasn’t anything that could be done.

We kept our New Years plans and drove from SF to LA for the Rose Bowl except we never made it to the game.

By NYE night I had full on bleeding and cramping off and on. Not knowing what to do, we went to Mt Sinai emergency room where we stayed until they released me about 10 minutes before midnight.

I held it together in the hospital when they told me my beta numbers were too low for my pregnancy to be viable. I held it together when they gave me my care instructions. But as soon as we pulled out of the parking lot and clock struck midnight, MH pulled into an empty bank parking lot and pulled me close where we both cried and held each other.

This year even though I’m carrying a baby inside me, I’m terribly emotional and sad today. That little one we lost will always be our first. We will never forget that little one.

I hope and pray that this is our last New Year without another family member in it and I hope the same for each of you. Happy New Year to each and everyone of you, my friends!

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5 thoughts on “On This Day

  1. I don’t think we ever forget the little ones we loose, even when it is so early. I do hope it is your last year without another family member. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you are pregnant now, you are a symbol of hope for me that it can happen again.

  2. Hey…I was thinking of you a lot on NYE, hoping you’re feeling OK and that the memories of the loss were less bitter than bittersweet. Sorry I’m late with my comment, but you were definitely in my thoughts!

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