Infertility Continues to Suck Even When You’re Pregnant

Even four days after finding out that I’m pregnant, I can’t help but still think that infertility sucks.  I struggled for a short amount of time compared to so many others but I can’t help but reflect back on the roller coaster that was our journey to today and I know that it isn’t over yet.

I can’t get excited because I am afraid.  The last time I was pregnant, we lost our little one at 5w5d.  I’m terrified that I will lose this one too.  I’m terrified that I didn’t read my digital HPT correctly and that it really said NOT PREGNANT and that I’m wanting it so much that I read it as pregnant.  I’m being ridiculous.

I so want to be excited but I’m terrified.  I lay awake last night/this morning from 3:30-5 worrying.  I need to stop worrying and trust in my body.

Our insurance doesn’t kick in until Dec. 1 and so I won’t see a doctor for this pregnancy until after then and even then I don’t know when I’ll be seen as I need to find a new doctor.  Some of you have asked if I’m beta testing.  I’m not because I don’t have insurance or a doctor yet – I would pay for it out of pocket but I think it would only increase my worrying.  I’m trying to stay focused on the positive and take it day-by-day instead of focus on the numbers.

Today, I am pregnant!  I’m grateful for being pregnant and I’m thrilled beyond words!

8 thoughts on “Infertility Continues to Suck Even When You’re Pregnant

  1. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Sending special thoughts that your little bean will stick and you’ll have a happy and healthy 9 months!

    Happy ICLW!

  2. Hang in there – I’m sure it’s nerve-wracking but the important thing is that you are pregnant! Keep the faith, can’t wait for your first beta/ultrasound!

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