Remembering Our First

Today might have been your birthday.  Your estimated due date is today, August 30, 2011.

But, on New Year’s Eve, we lost you.  You were just shy of being in my belly for 6 weeks.

The day that I told your Daddy that you were coming was one of my happiest days – it was an early Christmas gift.

The day that we learned that we were losing you was one of my darkest.  I never knew that I could love something so tiny and so precious so much even though you were inside of me for such a short time.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mommy.  I married your Daddy because I know what an amazing Dad he is going to be.  I still hold that dream of being a mommy and I know that it will come true.  I haven’t given up hope.

The past 34 weeks have flown by and while you left my body waaaaay too early, you never have left my mind. I will never forgot you.  As I’ve seen pregnant friends over the past few months get bigger and bigger baby bumps, I often think of what I would look like if I were as many weeks along as them.  I think about what we would have been doing to prepare for you.  But for the most part, I’m just sad that we lost you and that we haven’t yet been able to successfully get pregnant again.

Today though I focus only on you and the happiness that you brought us for even just a few short weeks.

If there is such a thing as heaven with angels like you, I hope you’re watching us from above.

You are loved even though you never set foot on Earth.

You will always be remembered.

You will always be my first.

6 thoughts on “Remembering Our First

  1. Hi there! I know you told me that you were not a religious person… but since you mentioned angels in heaven in your post… I thought I would offer you some advice. There was a book I read after I suffered my eighth unborn loss called I’ll Hold You In Heaven by Jack Hayford. It’s amazing. It helped me get some answers to those burning questions. Ultimately it brought me some comfort. I can promise you that while you will never forget… you will overcome.

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