I feel slightly more in control during this TWW. Of course, it is only day two but I still feel like I have a little more calm around me.
Perhaps it is because I feel less hopeful that it worked for a number of reasons: MH was traveling for the days before the IUI so we didn’t get to do the deed during a prime time; MH’s washed sperm count was about half of the first time (still good numbers at 47 million but down nevertheless); the pain and trauma of the entire IUI experience; and the fact that I still believe that I ovulated before I even triggered.
Last night during dinner, MH reminded me that I can’t think about “this” all the time. It kind of pisses me off that he says things like that to me. I love MH and he is incredibly supportive and kind to me but lately he has been rubbing me in the wrong way. He irritated me before the IUI because he didn’t want to come up when we dropped off his sample. He stayed in the car and then when I came back wanted to know what took so long. Then, after the horrible IUI, when I handed him the car keys, which were in my purse, he had the nerve to say, “Oh, I’m driving?” Ummm…yes?! I just had my uterus moved around with a pair of pliers. You jerk. I love him and I know he loves me but COME on.
Anyway, I don’t think he understands that “this” is something that I think about ALL the time. I can not think about it. I don’t want to but I can’t help it. So, I decided that I’m going to make a list of things that I need to accomplish before August 28 – test day – that might help me to think about something else.
1. Clean out pantry and refrigerator
2. Finish reading the book I’m supposed to review and write the review
3. Update all of my accounting for my freelance business
4. Exchange some items at Office Depot for a new printer cartridge
5. Take a walk every day
6. Try some new recipes
7. Clean up/organize my personal and business email in boxes so that there are only one days worth of emails
8. Write and submit the restaurant review that is overdue
I think that is a good list to start.