Green Monster is Here

My sister-in-law and brother had a miscarriage shortly after I did this year.  She has been struggling to get pregnant as well but has not gone for any testing, etc. as far as I am aware.  However, I get the feeling that she is pregnant again.  Though I don’t have confirmation, I’m pretty certain that she is and is keeping it from me.  She asks me how I’m doing and I tell her.  I ask her how she’s doing and she talks about different things.

And, so, the green monster known as jealousy has reared its ugly head in me.  I don’t have confirmation but I’m so jealous that I don’t want to talk to either of them – but I do because I should.  I’m so scared that they’re going to tell me that they’re pregnant.  I’m so afraid of my reaction.

I’m going to be happy for them but I’m going to also be devastated.  I’m going to be devastated because it’ll be a kick in the stomach for me that I’m not pregnant again.  I’m not pregnant again and I’m struggling with infertility.  I’m infertile.  I’m jealous.  I’m sad.

6 thoughts on “Green Monster is Here

  1. I am very jealous of my sister and sister in law also. They are sooo fertile it drives me crazy how easy it is for them to get pregnant. Hopefully, you will know either way soon so you don’t have to dwell on it.

    BTW found you on the ICLW and look forward to reading more!

  2. I just started following your blog. I feel the same way sometimes. Ihave a twin sister who is pregnant with her 3rd and I am still trying to get pregnant again after my miscarriage in August of last year. She will have 3 kids under the age of 4 in december when she’s due. It’s really hard sometimes and I am really jealous of her sometimes. Hang in there.

  3. I am so sorry. I think you’re right to prepare yourself for them telling you just in case. Be aware that it’s totally natural (and okay) to be both happy for them and jealous. My best friend is pregnant right now and she just found out the gender today. When she called to tell me I unexpectedly (and unbenknownst to her) got really upset and had to sneak out of work to go cry. I realized I would have found out the gender of my baby about a month ago. I am incredibly happy and excited for her, but it still sucks. We had my husband’s brother and his wife over the other night and we got a feeling that my sister-in-law is pregnant too. I was incredibly jealous, which didn’t feel good. And I don’t even know for sure. Just know that it’s natural and you’re not alone.

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