My sister-in-law and brother had a miscarriage shortly after I did this year. She has been struggling to get pregnant as well but has not gone for any testing, etc. as far as I am aware. However, I get the feeling that she is pregnant again. Though I don’t have confirmation, I’m pretty certain that she is and is keeping it from me. She asks me how I’m doing and I tell her. I ask her how she’s doing and she talks about different things.
And, so, the green monster known as jealousy has reared its ugly head in me. I don’t have confirmation but I’m so jealous that I don’t want to talk to either of them – but I do because I should. I’m so scared that they’re going to tell me that they’re pregnant. I’m so afraid of my reaction.
I’m going to be happy for them but I’m going to also be devastated. I’m going to be devastated because it’ll be a kick in the stomach for me that I’m not pregnant again. I’m not pregnant again and I’m struggling with infertility. I’m infertile. I’m jealous. I’m sad.